Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
