I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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