she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
