if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
