There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
