I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
