I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
