just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
