He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
