we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
