I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
