You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
