They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
