Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
