I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
