nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
