How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize