I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
