Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
