no, he came in my armpit
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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