3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
