I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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