I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
