I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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