i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize