Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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