Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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