Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
