It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
