Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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