the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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