so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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Is it penis luge time yet?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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