the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
