wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize