I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
