i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
