I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
