Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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