Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
