Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
