Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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