I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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