I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
