Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
