For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
