ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
