I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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