So drunk its hurt
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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