we're blogging at a bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
