Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
