I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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