Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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