I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
this hospital has no fireball
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
