he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
