I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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