I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
