Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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