I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
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I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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