I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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