I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
