Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
