i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
