Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
