I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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