You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
