Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Shame is for Republicans.
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