my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
