you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
