Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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