you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
