she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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