im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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