I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
