ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
